Wednesday August 18th

Yes, it has been that long since I have posted anything, and what a wild ride it has been. Our Dr. made it back into town, we have a new Home Health group, we have a pain doctor, and NO the pain is not under control, and we are still not sleeping all night. So, there hasn't been much to report. His mental status as far as depression is beginning to deteriorate. This doesn't surprise me. Pastor came in and had a good talk with him a few days ago. Seemed to help some, but faith; while not a feeling, is hard to hang onto when pain is racking your body 24/7 for so long. One finds it hard to pray through the thick fog. You rely heavily on those who say they are praying for you, to do just that. During times such as this, those prayers are what carry us from day to day.

He started a 25mg pain patch Monday a week ago. We had an appointment for this coming Monday, but after last night, I called today and they are seeing us tomorrow. He was up most of the night and at one point banging his walker releasing anger, frustration, and everything else that was welling up inside. At 3am, he was settling down having been able to eat a small bowl of cereal and sit on ice packs. His bed was hardly used. He spent most of the night in his recliner, something he has not done since he got his bed.

We didn't go to Nashville yesterday for our 6 week checkup. We called and rescheduled. He couldn't make that trip, it was coming a monsoon, and we didn't have the xray results that had been ordered by the pain specialist nor do we had the bone density test, which is tomorrow. So, the trip up there would have been useless. We are going the first week of September. I dread it already as I know he does, but it is one of those necessary evils, and I am going to ask him point blank, "Where are we going to be 6 months from now?" "Where is he going from here?" "Is this going to be his life?"

Just tell us, you know? We can prepare for something we see and we know. You can't prepare for something that blindsides you every week, or every other day. You can't sit around waiting for the other shoe to drop, which is how we are living. Tell us, so we can get a handle on it and get on with our lives.

Well, that is all there is for now. I will try to post when we come home from the Dr.'s tomorrow. We will have the xray results tomorrow also. That should tell us if the hardware put in during this last surgery is holding.