Consultation

Ive never been one to be able to keep secrets when I am excited. I was always with the kids when the begged to open "just one" Christmas present on Christmas Eve. Their dad would always give in. I do remember a few Christmas Eve's when they were getting something really special that I couldn't contain my secrets any longer and we would have "Santa" on Christmas Eve. LOL

So, unable to contain my excitement or nervousness......... I am leaving in about 20 minutes for my first consultation concerning reconstructive surgery. I figure, it's been four years since my surgery. I'm healthy, strong and I don't want to go around carrying these heavy forms with ill-fitting bras any longer. I'll be 43 this year and I want to "feel" beautiful when I see myself. I want to see something besides those ugly, angry, jagged scars with one side of my chest caved in deeper than the other. I want to wear that LBD all the other women wear; that the bras keep me from wearing. They are so unforgiving.

If the bras are "low" then they don't open wide enough so they show on the sides of the chest. If the are open, then they aren't low enough leaving the bra showing at the V on the shirt, dress, whatever. And I have yet to find a bathing suit that is a great match. Lands End sales some great ones, but by the end of summer, my swim forms usually end up pulling the outside material inward at the top. I look like a dried prune. I'm so self conscious, I don't dare go out. I didn't even bother ordering a new one this year. I never put one on.

Of course it's going to be a shock to my granddaughters when they walk in, unannounced as usual, and see that I have breasts again. I can see their little eyes now. And their mouths! That is going to be funny. They barge in whenever, so they are aware of my lack of "boobies." Yes, I shoo them out, but after 4 years, they know exactly what my chest looks like. The oldest has never failed to remind me that, "Grandmother, that just isn't "normal." {laughing} And from their little eyes, it isn't. And from my big eyes.................. it isn't anymore.